I was in front of the Wallace Emporium of Arcade Entertainments. The window display promised ‘more fun than you can shake a stick at’. And underneath ‘free sticks for all customers’.

The door was open, so I went in.

It was a long, narrow, and poorly lit room. It was very quiet, and there didn’t seem to be anyone around. I could see just one machine against the wall at the back of the room – it looked like an old school Space Invaders unit!

I walked over for a closer look. The screen was blank. Across the top of the machine, in neon bright letters, it said ‘PLAY ME’. Underneath, in a light grey, it said ‘This Is Not A Game’.

How peculiar, I thought.

There didn’t seem to be the usual Space Invaders controllers. There was no joystick, no direction or Fire buttons, and no slot for my money. There was just one very large button in the middle of the playing field. The message ‘This Is Not A Game’ was written in a curve around the edge of the button.

In large letters in the middle of the button it said ‘PRESS TO PLAY’.

I pressed the button.

How odd. I don’t know if I’ve won or lost. I can’t see a score. At least it didn’t cost me anything.

I decided to leave and go back home. I didn’t even get a free stick.

What a rip.